I love you, Grandpa.

I woke up this morning from Matt's phone ringing next to me, it said it was my mom. I knew I left my phone in the car overnight and knew that if she needed to talk to me badly enough to get a hold of me on Matt's phone that something had to be wrong...and it was not a good phone call.

She had called to let me know that my Grandpa, my Dad's Dad, had passed away. I didn't know how to feel at first but the more and more it sunk in, I began to cry. It's hard because I only spent one single weekend with him in my whole life and that was when I was 19. That weekend was awesome, what I remember the most about it was that my Grandpa held my hand most of the time and if he wasn't holding my hand, his arm was around me. He kept telling me that he couldn't believe how old I was and that we missed too much time together, but it's good now because we have eachother and will always now. It's hard to know that I really didn't have more of him, just phone calls and knowing that he was really my "grandpa" and not just my dad's dad. I remember being at church with him and he held my hand there and I remember him trying to teach me how to talk with a pencil in my mouth because that's a good acting technique to have. (He used to be the Marlboro man and was in movies...pretty cool). It's hard because after meeting him, I loved him right away and knew that I missed a lot of time with someone who could have guided me in great ways and helped me live out my dreams...which in a way he did.

My Grandpa was an actor and I feel like that's how I have it in my blood and why it's in my Dad's blood. It's because of Grandpa. When I made my decision to audition for Disney, he was with me every step of the way...him and his wife, my Grandma Kennedy, and their daughter Kim. It was so nice to have them be apart of my journey. They were the ones I called after calling my parents once I had finished all my auditions. They helped me with my headshots, resume and monologues. I'm so glad that I had the time with him that I did, but so angry that I didn't have more. They live in California and I always say to Matt that when we get a chance we'll get down there. Maybe we still will, hopefully we still will to see my Grandma...but it's just so sad.

I had an up and down kind of day. I tried to not think about it too much because when I do I cry. I've never really had someone so blood related to me die and it's weird to think he's gone. I remember the last time I talked to him I was in Target trying to find a USB cable and was slightly distracted while on the phone... : ( I'll miss him as I have always missed and wished he could have been closer to me. He hears me now though and is going to watch me on my journey from up in Heaven...I know that. I know he was with me today, will see me on our wedding day and will be there helping me once again when we go back to Florida...

I love you Grandpa. Rest in peace, I'll see you again and we'll have lots more time together ; )

Yes!

So I can't believe how good it feels to be dancing again. It's wednesday and so far I've already taken 5 classes this week...i'm a dancing maniac and I love it! Tonight I took Hip Hop II and also Cardio Funk. Both were great. The teacher I had was totally my style and danced just like I do. It felt comfortable to be in my element...finally. The other hip-hop classes I've taken were very slow and smooth. This was pumped up and...ah...I can't describe it other than WOO! I'm so excited and jumpy right now. I got home and showed Matt my routine right away and he was laughing because he said he could tell I was having fun and that it was an awesome routine. So this week I still have a bunch of classes and dancing left to do...which is great! Tomorrow I have another hip-hop class, Friday...another hip-hop class, Saturday I teach in Kirkland and am hosting Charlie's (one of my nanny kids..she's turning 4) birthday DANCE party :) cute.

So...I'm pumped. Realizing I'm doing a LOT of hip-hop...I need to mix in some more jazz.
Monday: took lyrical and jazz
Tuesday: ballet
Tonight: hip-hop and cardio funk

A-mazing. I'm on like a super high if you can't tell from my crazy typing and use of exclamation points lol. I hope for those of you who know me and are reading this that you can feel my energy right now :D haha...k, I'm done.....

Valentine's Day

What a fabulous weekend...I feel it's saft to say that I have the most amazing husband-to-be. He made sure that yesterday was wonderful and we had so much fun! To start the day off, he built our new bed that we bought on Friday night...yes. We haven't had our own bed in over a year...crazyness. I went out to run errands and when I got home he handed me a card. I opened it to find he wrote me a letter (which he's never done and I'm always hinting that I would love) and he also included "gift certificates"! A trip to the Vera Bradley store to purchase a purse of my choice (I am now the proud owner of a new and adorable Vera purse). Dinner at my choice of restaurant. I chose Earl's downtown Bellevue and it is now our new favorite restaurant. The atmosphere was very trendy, romantic and semi-chill...as well as reasonably priced. The food wasn't the best I've ever had, but definitely yummy. I also got to pick a movie of my choice, so we went to see Valentine's Day. I'm regretting that choice somewhat because the movie was not great. I liked Ashton Kutcher and Jennifer Garner, but everything else kind of stunk. I also recieved a gift certificate for breakfast in bed...still have to use that one. And we will be going downtown so I can pick my choice of bouquet of flowers from Pikes Place Market. Oh and also yesterday I got a certificate good for...an air hockey tournament at Power Play! (he beat me...but at least I got a chocolate cake shot at the bar, yum). It was a wonderful day!
Now today we just took care of some long due errands...oil change and a car wash. Our poor car has been needing those things to happen for too long now. We have also been watching the Olympics all day which has made me both bored (I'm not a fan of staring at the tv all day) and feeling a bit lazy. So now, I'm blogging and feeling semi-productive. I checked out Celebration, FL again tonight as well and can't wait until we live there. The perfect little small town....
This weeks going to be crazy. I have all 4 kids all day everyday because the girls don't have school. I'm going to die. I'm so glad that I'll get to dance everyday! I don't know if I'd make it otherwise...wish me luck!

Feb. 9, 2010

I am so incredibly sore today. It sucks knowing that I'm so out of shape. But soon...very soon I will be back in the swing of things and my body will be able to take it again. I'm having a hard time doing anything today. Everything hurts from my quads to even the muscles in my throat, yes...my throat. I have to just push through it and jump back into class on Thursday. I could feel how much of a difference taking those classes made in the way I felt mood-wise comparing yesterday to today. Today I was a little more out in daydream land than I was yesterday. For me, being out in daydream land is something that happens too often to the point where I plan too much and think way to much and too hard about everything. But, when I dance...I'm so in the moment! Last night when I got home and I was showing my routine I finished and when I was done dancing Matt just looked at me and said, "you were so in the moment, I could just see it in your eyes." And it hit me, that's why I love to dance. That's why I need to dance. For me, dance is what keeps me together. I don't have to worry so much or don't have to stress about anything. All I need to think about is what I'm doing in that exact moment and to me, that is the best feeling I can have. Matt thinks I have ADD because when my mind is focused on something, it's nearly impossible for me to concentrate on anything else. But not when I'm dancing...that all goes away then. So...to keep dancing is the goal. I can't wait to buy the unlimited package for the month so I can go as often as I want. Right now I'm aiming for 8-10 classes a week. Matt says in order for us to buy this for me and to make it worth while I have to dance at least 32 hours a month. Easy. Got it. So I'm going to be dancing and Matt's signing up for the gym. We're going to be in such good shape when we get married : ) How exciting! Time for me to go stretch though now, I need to not be this sore at work again tomorow, it seriously made my day so hard...and tomorrow is going to be a good day!

My Glass is Definitely Half Full!

Tonight felt so good. I took both lyrical and jazz and have definitely decided that now in the age I am, lyrical is definitely my new favorite style. I always felt it was hip-hop until I've started this lyrical class. From stretching through combinations and our routine I felt great the entire time. I felt like me. I felt strong and beautiful and proud and *sigh* it was wonderful. I came home to Matt so happy, excited and full of life. I just finally felt like me again. I love that I'm dancing more and love that I have found a studio that both challenges me as well as lets me feel accomplished each time I walk out the classroom door. I've learned so much there just from taking the 5 classes that I have so far. If I continue to dance at Westlake Dance Center I know that this year and 4 months fly by because I'll be having such a good time being able to do what I love...dance.
After I left my lyrical class there were a few minutes before my jazz class started and I heard two of the girls next to me talking about Walt Disney World and the one was saying how her and her husband absolutely love Florida and Walt Disney World...I couldn't help myself. I asked them if that's what the were talking about, apologized for ease-dropping (sp?) lol and then told them my experience with Disney and how the reason I'm dancing at Westlake now is to keep in shape to move back. They were so thrilled to meet me knowing what I've done at Disney and what I'm going back to do...it was a really good feeling. One of them was in my lyrical class and said to me, "I was watching you! You are a beautiful dancer!" It felt really great that she said that to just know that I've still got it, I'm still me. I've been so worried that because I haven't danced in so long that I was going to lose everything but I think I've only become better since I've started again. I feel that my passion for how much I missed doing what I love has only made my dancing stronger and so full of feeling...of passion.
Man did it feel good being there today...and boy do my quads hurt lol. I won't be able to take class again there this week until Thursday when I go to hip-hop because of a tight week with money, but that's okay. Friday when we get paid I'm going to be buying the unlimited package and dancing my heart out. I'm so excited to go back and really looking forward to this new hip-hop class...
Until then......!
I'm feeling full of life, like me, passionate, energetic, tired, sore, (I have dance wounds...floor burn ALL over my feet and its hurting me like hell but I LOVE seeing it again..is that weird lol?), I'm just really happy..........*sigh*

Lyrical Song: Warm Whispers

The Road to Disney

It's 11:40pm and I can't sleep. Matt's sound asleep next to me, but I have way too much on my mind and need to write before I'll even become tired. We have made the decision to move back to Florida. Before making this decision, I've been having an extremely hard time figuring out what I want to do...just in life in general. I've always only known dance and always thought dance is what I'd be doing forever. We left Disney...Florida...for multiple reasons, mainly being that we had no money...at all. Now that we are super close to being out of debt and Matt's on his way to graduating from college (yay!) we will be much better off this time around and I've got some big plans...some exciting plans!...goals....dreams....ambitions! Ones that I'm soo excited about.
SO...my goals (as of today, February 7, 2010)
*work in entertainment again for Walt Disney World
*be a trainer as soon as I can
*big goal---equity (Castle Show, Beauty and the Beast, Nemo...). hehe we'll see...
*and ultimate goal...dream job choices...casting or staging specialist...preferably staging specialist while I am still young enough and my body allows me to dance!
I really want to get back into everything that I was in while I was there before...especially Block Party Bash if it's still there!

I'm so excited about all of this! So, while we're here in Seattle I am going to enjoy every second of it and starting tomorrow I'm going to be dancing my booty off! Tomorrow night I'm taking lyrical and jazz and I can't wait! I'm hoping that in this year and 4 months my technique will improve and that maybe equity won't be such a far off dream...you never know ;) One can dream...

I love Matt so incredibly much for being so supportive of all of this too. It was his idea to move to Florida because he has his own dreams and goals up his sleeve ;) but for the next year and however long (we have A lot of money to save) he's going to be working on school and I'll be gone a lot dancing. He so amazing to not mind one bit...to not mind that I'm not going to go to school and that I just want to dance. I'm feeling great right now! I'm just so anxious and excited to start tomorrow, I'm never going to fall asleep and I'm going to regret this tomorrow when I have 4 kids to nanny for lol.

I'm going to keep writing about how everything is going with dance and about how I'm feeling about everything and about how we're doing with savings and such....this is such and exciting time for us right now...especially with our wedding planning as well!!!!!!!!!!! Today at Costco they had Disney wedding dresses and I got all excited again about our wedding...I can't wait to marry Matt! I feel like we're married already with him snoring next to me right now..hehe.

So, tomorrow's the big day. The start of me really getting to dance again. We're buying me an unlimited membership and hopefully if i'm not incredibly drained from work lol, i'll be taking 8-9 classes/week. How awesome!!!!!!!